Movie Review: The Expendables and Bonus Stallone Love

Sylvester Stallone is the only celebrity I care about. I have mad love for the guy, and he has served as an inspiration to me and my writing ever since I can remember. Lots of people love to talk lots of smack about how he's so terrible at everything, but dude wrote Rocky in three days. He created one of the best characters ever in three days. THREE DAYS!

Yes, the man has been nominated for thirty Razzies and has won ten. He fully acknowledges that he's made some crappy films, and yeah, he has. But he's Stallone. The guy never gives up. In fact, the quote from Rocky Balboa pretty much sums him up (to me anyway), "I'd rather do something I love badly than to feel bad about not doing something I love."

I feel like if you're a creative person, you're going to need to have this kind of attitude. Not everyone is going to love everything you do all of the time (except when the person doing is Stallone and the everyone is me). I've pretty much accepted that I'm going to get knocked down and rejected when I put my work out there, and I'm all right with that. And once again, Sly says it pretty well: "No one likes to fail at anything, but I believe I'm a better person for it. I learned life's lessons. You're given certain gifts and that's what you should try to be."

Word.

Now onto the review. I rarely go to the movies at night, nonetheless on an opening night, but my husband wanted to go and I jumped on board. I had been watching the previews for The Expendables for over a year and I was all about it just for the cast alone: Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews and Mickey Rourke. I just remember seeing their name scrolling across my screen and thinking, "Wow, this is going to be the best movie ever."

It wasn't the best movie ever, but it wasn't bad. While I usually like the schlocky tough guy dialogue, a good 75% of the film was The Expendables trying to convince themselves that they weren't bad people because they had spent most of their adult lives as mercenaries. It was a little more emo than I expected, and there was one scene in particular where Tool (Mickey Rourke) begins to cry as he recounts an old tale. A little shocking.

I did enjoy the father figure role that Stallone played in this movie. Barney, Stallone's character, was a tough guy with a soft and just side, which he played very well. Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) was also a very complex character who while not being a mercenary was busy trying to reconcile his relationship with his ex-girlfriend. Stallone and Statham were actually incredible on screen together, making for one of the best drive-bys ever. Statham also had an incredible scene at a basketball court. Stallone definitely showed Statham a lot of love when he gave him that role.

The supporting cast was also pretty good, except for Eric Roberts, who played the worst evil guy ever. He was like a cartoon, and at times he was actually painful to watch. Not good. I enjoyed Terry Crews as Hale Ceasar, a dude who loves him some big guns. Jet Li was pretty fun too. Dolph Lundgren was a little silly but he played the crazy/angry/scorned role pretty well. (But really, how much can we expect from this guy?)

The movie ends in a big, over the top way that I loved. The fight choreography was awesome, the explosions were huge, and the energy was fantastic. I did enjoy the movie overall and think that if you're a fan of action movies, you'd enjoy this. There are a lot of really good things about the film and I think they're enough to outweigh the few bad things. Check it out.

Book Review: The Alchemist

I have to admit that the program at Wilkes really made me lose my taste for non-fiction. I went into the program expecting to write a memoir and ended up doing something I never thought I could - writing at 90,000+ word fictional novel. Since then, I have barely read an non-fiction and have been gravitating toward good fiction. When it was my turn to make a pick for the one on one book club, I chose The Alchemist because it had awesome reviews and also because it was compared to The Little Prince, one of my favorites.

All I can say is...eeeehhhhhhhhh. I was totally disappointed. The Little Prince it ain't.

Look. If you love this book you probably want to stab my eyeballs out with a pen, but hear me out. It's not that I don't get it. I do...you have everything you need to succeed already there within your heart. That's nice. I've heard it a million times already though. I've heard it in better ways.

Santiago, the main character, is so open to suggestion that at times I felt as though he wasn't even exercising his own will. A little silly to have a character doing that when the point of the story is to follow your heart. I did like that he was willing to make mistakes and pretty much picked himself up and dusted himself off easily, but really, how couldn't he? He had everyone telling him what steps he should be taking next to follow his personal legend.

While I usually enjoy concise writing, this book felt a little to simplistic to me. There is no elegance in these pages. There were no images that stuck with me. The story is flat, the characters are flat and the message has been done to death.

My main problem is this - is anything in life figured out with a couple snappy answers from some strangers? If that were the case we'd all have it figured out with ease. If this is a modern fable or a fairy tale it lacks the things that make those kinds of stories so enjoyable: great characters, a lot of adventure, fear, fun, a sense that all can be lost if the main character doesn't get it together and a good overall plot. I felt less lectured in fourteen years of Catholic school (1-12 and two years at a Catholic college) than I did when reading this.

If you like being told what to think, this book will be perfect for you. If you like boring stories that are vague and go nowhere, pick this up. You'll love it.

Book Review: City of Thieves

City of Thieves. This book about Lev and Kolya, two young Russian men who are sent on a very strange quest during the Leningrad blockade, is very hard to put down. Almost immediately, I was taken to Russia during World War II. I could feel the cold as it penetrated me to my bones. I could see the bleak landscape, the roads covered in snow. But most importantly, I could feel their fear as they traveled throughout their homeland.

Lev is an awkward seventeen year old who has the misfortune of being caught after curfew on a night when a German bomber pilot has literally fallen from the sky. Strict rules dictate that no one is allowed out for any reason, even if it was just to check the Fritz's body. After watching his comrades get shot, he is jailed, and there he meets Kolya, a strapping lad who is Lev's perfect foil. What they don't know is that they are about to be sent out to find eggs for Colonel Grechko's daughter's wedding cake.

The narrative that follows is nothing short of pure magic, and David Benioff shows that he has got some wickedly good writing chops. The banter between Lev and Kolya is at times, laugh out loud hysterical, and at others, heartwrenching. These two unlikely companions form a friendship that is strong and true. The trust they share is a beautiful thing to watch as it unfolds on the pages. One thing I really liked was the real care these characters shared for one another. They felt real.

Benioff doesn't shy away from the grim realities that the people of Russia faced during that time. Cannabalism, the constant fear they experienced, it's all there and plainly laid out. I don't like historical fiction that goes soft or tries to hide the truth, and Benioff manages to weave in these truths without weighing the story down and making it too dark.

This was one of Geronimo's picks and it was a very good one. This is now one of my favorite books, one that I'm sure I will pick up and read again and again. I highly recommend this to anyone who likes historical ficition, has an interest in World War II, or who just likes amazing characters.

Movie Review: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Right from the very first second of the first preview I had seen for Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, I knew I had to see it. I loved the look of the preview - the slick video game feel, the witty humor and the over the top fighting scenes seemed like something I would really enjoy, even though I secretly didn't want to admit it. It isn't often that something new and fresh in entertainment comes along, but with Scott Pilgrim, I can honestly say that it really has.

From the opening scene, it's clear that the audience is going to be in for completely unique viewing experience. As Scott (Michael Cera) walks around his apartment, little boxes pop up with information about his roommate and friends, just like they would in a video game. It's clear right away that belief needs not only be suspended, but shattered. When people kiss, tiny pink hearts leave their lips and flutter around them. Doors magically appear and people fly through them. Scott punches another character clear up into the air. He jumps through a window to avoid his girlfriend, then jumps back in to grab his coat.

All of this stuff is incredibly cool, but the story is actually pretty good. I have to admit I didn't think I was going to be able to get into it because I tend to really dislike romantic comedies. I also didn't think that I would like a story centered on yet another cool nerd cliched character. Somehow, it all worked together and produced something that made me smile throughout the entire movie.

I'm just going to add here that I feel like the imminent Michael Cera backlash will be coming soon. During the movie I tried to think about what was so great about him, and I couldn't really come up with any reasons as to why this kid is this popular. You know the universe will start hating on him any second now.

There were some parts where it felt rushed and other parts where it dragged. I just got my hands on the comic series so I'm curious to see how the characters develop throughout. Apparently there are much more detailed back stories for the exes, plus tons of other stuff I'm sure.

Should you see it? Definitely. While some of the older crowd might feel baffled by some of the references, I think that it's so unique that even if you don't understand, you won't be disappointed. I also scored a pretty cool guitar pick keychain that I've been rocking since the weekend, which was a nice added bonus.

TV Shows You Need to be Watching: The IT Crowd

I have no idea how my husband found out about this show, but I'm so glad he did. At its most basic level, its a British sitcome about Ross, Roy and Jen, three folks who work in the IT department. Computer geeks everywhere would rejoice at the little inside jokes that are peppered throughout this show, but what I love it for is its irreverence.

At first, I didn't really like this show. I didn't know why, and I couldn't even tell you why, but this is a trait of mine that I've had ever since I can remember. I will irrationally hate something intensely, but then all of a sudden I'll notice something that I didn't before and then love it with all of my being. This is exactly what happened with this show. It was an episode where Moss, Jen and Roy are attending the funeral of their boss. Unfortunately, I can't embed the clip, but this is the very moment when Roy stole my heart - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOTW6gFQUlg

I know, right? It's so me. I especially love Moss, a superdork who passes out when he hears the word "bra" unexpectedly. Check him out here:

Jen is also a really great female lead. I love her because she is always trying to get ahead in a male dominated field, and she tries very hard to break the glass ceiling. What I think is very interesting about her character is that she is a feminist without being the feminazi stereotype. Most of her time is spent trying make sure that Moss and Roy stay firmly out of trouble, and she's rarely successful.

Which comes to my next point - this show is absolutely brilliantly written. It's funny, full of social commentary and random while not being too out there. Everything has a purpose, and it's almost Seinfeldesque in the way that little things from the beginning of the show will come back around full circle in the end. Some of the situations they get themselves into are absolutely hilarious. Plus, everything is better in a British accent.

If you have the IFC channel, I highly recommend that you set this show to record. If you like really smart comedy, you'll love this, I promise. The DVDs are also available on Netflix and you can probably pick them up at Amazon too. Such good stuff.

Movie Review: The Other Guys

Another weekend past, another movie seen. This time it was The Other Guys, a comedy about an Odd Couple like team who end up busting a big time baddie. I was really looking forward to this film because I love Will Ferrell because he makes me laugh, and I love Mark Wahlberg because I love to laugh at him. I went into this with Anchorman expectations and left feeling like I just sat through another Ricky Bobby movie.

Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of hilarious parts in this movie. I laughed out loud quite a few times and thought that the over the top acting on the part of the cast was absolutely perfect. Mark Wahlberg was particularly hilarious as a miserable, angry cop who wants a chance to be in the spotlight. Will Ferrell was his usual unassumingly funny self, even if I thought a part of his character reveal was one of the most idiotic things I've seen in a long time. I really enjoyed Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L. Jackson in their roles as the supercops. They were absolutely hysterical. Eva Mendes was all right. Michael Keaton was entertaining as the police chief. Are you noticing something here? No character names? Right, because I don't remember any of them and I'm not looking them up.

I know I should expect much of a plot from a comedy, but seriously, the story line in this movie was pure garbage. Bernie Madoff was the inspiration, with the character played by Steve Coogan as the leader of a Ponzi scheme. Most of the movie revolved around Marky Mark and Will trying to figure out exactly which was going on, which I think left the audience as confused as they were. By the time the movie was over, I didn't care what was going on. I just wanted to leave.

The worst part was that there were a lot of irrelevant jokes, like a running one about TLC songs. Really? The best the writers could come up with was references from 1999? Add in a completely out of left field credit roll with all kinds of pie charts and figures about CEOs and Fortune 500 companies, and there you have the randomness of this movie. Random is good, but at some point everything has to come together, and in this trainwreck, it didn't. I heartily suggest you avoid this at all costs, or at least wait until you can rent it. Don't encourage these people!

Seriously, I'm not even taking the time to look up a picture for this piece of crap. That's how bad it was.

Book Review: The Shadow of the Wind

I have a thing for Spanish language authors, and it's no secret. I like to be seduced when I read. I like a narrative that grips my mind and incites passion in my heart. I like books that give me a very clear view of the deepest hearts of its characters. I even like things that don't have true happy endings. The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon is all of these things and more.

Ruiz Zafon's tale centers around Daniel, a young boy who discovers the author and other main character, Julian Carax, while looking through the Cemetery of Forgotten Books. Daniel chooses Carax's book, also titled Shadow of the Wind, and he's instantly hooked. Of course, he wants to read more books by the wonderful author, but in trying to find his other works, he uncovers the tragic past of Carax. Through his detective work, he ends up finding more than he bargained for and begins to suffer as a consequence.

There is so much to love about this book. The descriptions of Barcelona post World War II are incredible, and Ruiz Zafon also has a knack for poetic descriptions of mundane things. I am really bad at describing things because when I read, I usually skip anything that doesn't directly pertain to the story or the characters, but in this case, I read them. I also really enjoyed his characterization of Daniel, a young boy who is a complete romantic and who can't help but fall in love with nearly every woman he meets. Fermin, a homeless man he befriends who ends up working with Daniel and his father in their bookstore, is a really fun character who adds a lot of levity in a sometimes very depressing book. The female characters are strong as well, even though they don't play a huge role other than being objects of desire. I especially liked Nuria, who I thought had an incredible female voice.

While I enjoyed reading, I was a little disappointed at how Ruiz Zafon chose to reconcile the mystery of Julian Carax. It was a little too easy. I also tend to despair when all of the women in a book are these super sexy temptresses who show up and ruin men's lives, and there was plenty of that in this book too. The only real saving grace is that they were smart, headstrong and not afraid to voice their opinions. It also read like a romance novel in some parts, although it wasn't over the top. No bodice ripping here.

I liked this book and would recommend it to anyone who likes mysteries. It's also loaded with romance as well, but the tragic type that at times to me felt a little unbelievable. I definitely think it's worth the read.